May 20, 2009

Homeward Bound

I am heading home….. in exactly 17 days I will be home. You have no idea how that makes me feel.

Here is the deal, I am tired…. really tired, in every possible way. So the thought of being home with my mom n dad thrills me to bits. I can’t wait.

I can’t wait to be in a house where if I take more than 10 steps I don’t find myself in the balcony.

I can’t wait to have coffee mate in my coffee.

I can’t wait to curl up in the living room reading the paper while watching TV.

And most importantly I can't wait to spend time with my parents.

Here is my normal routine when I am home. I wake up late, just in time to see my mom return from the gym (sigh!!). I then plonk myself in front of the TV with the morning’s paper while mom gets herself a bowl of cornflakes (nice) or oats (yuck!).

After breakfast and a shower either I am off roaming with her or sitting on the couch chatting to my Gran. Pa soon comes for lunch and that is soon followed by mom n dad fighting over dessert. The fight they maintain is legit.

Then its time of the snooze followed by evening coffee n soon enough the program that should be banned “idea star singer” airs. Every evening we bicker about watching it, but we end up watching coz well…according to my mother “Coz I said so!! “

And then… dinner time….

Yes I know, ..very boring .. yet…. There is comfort in this familiarity.

Right now nothing sounds more appealing than this.

May 14, 2009

In the nick of time ...

This last week has not been easy.

An accumulation of many many things and I really felt it would soon come crashing down and succeed in putting me back on square one. I am not joking when I said that I literally felt a stone in my heart. And it hurt! Praying about it eased the pain. For that moment. I even tried to figure out what I could do to make it better but, as always, I came up with nothing.

I soon fell in a pattern where all i asked for was the strength to get through each day. Today was no different. Today, I was listening to the online radio and this song by Josh Wilson began to play. It was aptly titled “Saviour Please” and below are the lyrics:

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me

I felt better. Maybe, I felt better because I heard this song just after I uttered a cry of desperation, just after i silently pleaded for some sign of hope. Maybe I felt better because I had unknowingly chosen to move forward. Maybe I felt better because I related to the words… I don’t know… but I felt better.

Has the problem been resolved? Far from it ….. But I have taken the first step .Just that knowledge gives me a perfect reason to smile.

And say “Thank you”

May 04, 2009

I can't wait.....

I remember seeing the very first scan my sister had.

The baby was smaller than a grain of basmati… and yet very evident for all to see was its heart beat. From the very first moment of conception, all of the inherited features of this new person are already set – whether it’s a boy or girl, the color of the eyes, the color of the hair, the dimples of the cheeks and the cleft of the chin. He or she is smaller than a grain of sugar, but the instructions are present for all that this person will ever become. After seeing that I could not understand why some people say that the fetus is not human but a mass of tissue.

On Saturday, I watched as my sister got her third scan.

Amazed, moved, thrilled are just few of the words I could use to describe how I felt.

Sitting there all I could do was look in awe at this wonderful life growing inside her. Weighing all of 368grams the baby was faced down and all curled up. I got to see its spine, the feet, the hands, the nose and even the lips.

Blurry, but still perfect.

All I could think was here is this one person, whom I have never met, who right now is still expanding and contracting, is just starting to figure out that kicking
is possible,who's leg is probably smaller than a toothpick and yet I love him or her like I never before.

I am waiting .....

Waiting to meet this person .....

Waiting to spoil the baby rotten .....

Waiting to love him silly

Waiting to watch him sleep.....

Waiting to tickle him till he screams for mercy.....

Waiting to teach him things which might make my brother in law want to disown me

Waiting to hold him and say a silent prayer for all my blessings