Ever since summer has visited Chennai, my so called busy life is tiring me out even more. Even though I spend all day in one or the other a/c classroom, by the end of it all I am tired. Yesterday I think I was sleep by 930... That’s how tired I am. Most of the time, along with physical exhaustion comes mental exhaustion. And that is something I always DREAD. Once the mental exhaustion sets in, it’s a never ending circle. It was a game and exhaustion ALWAYS won!! I know, I went through it last year. Everything makes a difference. Everything goes wrong and I seriously begin to wonder why.
This time however it’s a different tale.
Are things difficult? YES.
Are things going wrong? DEFINITELY.
Am I finding it difficult to cope? YES.
Are things working out the way my silly human SELF want it to (in short, will MY WILL be done)? NO
YET…. Despite this I am FINE.
I think the crucial moment in this so called saga I call is my life is when I realized that I got to stop relying on MY WILL and stop praying for it. There were (and still are) days I feel so broken and so lost and ready to give up and then I realize that these are the days I tried to do it all on my own. Pretty soon the realization that, it’s not MY WILL that should be of concern, but HIS, came into play. Let me just tell you all this. I was someone who had my life planned out when I was a teenager. So you can imagine the shock I was in for. It’s a great ask for a person like me to be told that this is something I don’t have control over. It’s a great ask to be told that “now is not the time “. It’s a great ask to be told to “wait”.
So now what?
I am listening as hard as I can. I am learning to let go and trust. I am praying for help in everything I do. I learning what faith is all about. I am learning to depend. I am learning to believe that things that are going difficult are soon going to get easy. Things that are going wrong, will soon find the right way and more importantly I will cope and be fine. I know, because it’s all part of HIS will.
I believe that there is a rhyme, reason and purpose for this part of my life. I can’t wait to find out what….. And that Ladies and Gentlemen is a whole different blog!!