ME (1) – EXHAUSITON (0):

Ever since summer has visited Chennai, my so called busy life is tiring me out even more. Even though I spend all day in one or the other a/c classroom, by the end of it all I am tired. Yesterday I think I was sleep by 930... That’s how tired I am. Most of the time, along with physical exhaustion comes mental exhaustion. And that is something I always DREAD. Once the mental exhaustion sets in, it’s a never ending circle. It was a game and exhaustion ALWAYS won!! I know, I went through it last year. Everything makes a difference. Everything goes wrong and I seriously begin to wonder why.

This time however it’s a different tale.

Are things difficult? YES.

Are things going wrong? DEFINITELY.

Am I finding it difficult to cope? YES.

Are things working out the way my silly human SELF want it to (in short, will MY WILL be done)? NO

YET…. Despite this I am FINE.

I think the crucial moment in this so called saga I call is my life is when I realized that I got to stop relying on MY WILL and stop praying for it. There were (and still are) days I feel so broken and so lost and ready to give up and then I realize that these are the days I tried to do it all on my own. Pretty soon the realization that, it’s not MY WILL that should be of concern, but HIS, came into play. Let me just tell you all this. I was someone who had my life planned out when I was a teenager. So you can imagine the shock I was in for. It’s a great ask for a person like me to be told that this is something I don’t have control over. It’s a great ask to be told that “now is not the time “. It’s a great ask to be told to “wait”.

So now what?

I am listening as hard as I can. I am learning to let go and trust. I am praying for help in everything I do. I learning what faith is all about. I am learning to depend. I am learning to believe that things that are going difficult are soon going to get easy. Things that are going wrong, will soon find the right way and more importantly I will cope and be fine. I know, because it’s all part of HIS will.

I believe that there is a rhyme, reason and purpose for this part of my life. I can’t wait to find out what….. And that Ladies and Gentlemen is a whole different blog!!

:)

On a day really fine

Of 2009

"you're going to be an aunt big sis"

silently whispered

my lil sis

Sure I was prepared

By doing most things right

I stitched a few dresses

And made sure she ate right (I think)

Calmed my brother in laws’ nerves

And deftly avoided “mood “mines

All this happened

In 2009

The day of Sept 17^th,

Threw us for a loop

Nothing went along

As it should

Saw my sis wheeled through

The theater doors

Spent minutes in agony

But knowing there was more

Out came a trolley

And in it covered in blue

Lay the baby girl

Making her debut

Eyes tight shut

Fast fast asleep

Oblivious to the stir

Or drama surrounding her

With a head full of hair

And “ don’t disturb” me glares

Our hearts were won over

Without a moment to spare

Soon she grew

And we all could see

What an amazing person

She was going to be

With smiles reserved

Only for us

And noises that resembled

A small rhinoceros

With a love for ragi

That tastes really gross

She hates carrots

Really !!!!

Who hates those???

Her eyes light up when she sees me

While my heart skips a beat

She has special smiles for each of us

I personally think mines really neat!!

Seeing her makes my day

So precious I found her to be

Her spirit and joy I cannot explain

It fills my heart none the same

I thank God each day

For the gift of you

Samaya Durai

I really love you !!

Of all the places .....

Yesterday, I was at school and was walking towards the loo.

Suddenly I hear my name being called and I turn to find that one of my students is right behind me screaming “Hi! Ms. Thomasssss “. He turns and walks off into the boys’ loo (while waving to me all along ) and I walk into the teachers’ one.

To my luck, as I am leaving the loo, he comes out too.

Seeing me, he goes (quite loudly I might add) “WOW... Same time!!!! “

HAPPY B'DAY !!!

When I first met her, she was 3 months old.

I had seen her before all wrapped up in a red bow and also heard her screaming like a banshee,

right then I knew that she would turn out to bea very interesting personality,

and thats exaclty what she has done.

with her strange yet wonderful sounds and fantastic attempts at imitating others,

this little girl has become a constant topic of discussion in our house

and won us over.

Today,

She turns ONE !!!

So.............

Happy Bday dearest baby gurl !!

GOD BLESS YOU !!

Love,

Tante

School Madness

The other day, 2 of my students (P and L) and I were playing “Go- Fish”. We were playing Go-Fish with articulation cards (like most normal people do) that were for the /r/ blends (/br/, /tr/, /fr/, /gr/ etc)

After explaning the rule, we began playing. A few minutes into the game, While L and I were watching, P picks up the “grape “card and puts it into his pile.

Here is the conversation that followed.

L: ‘P, do you have grape.’

P (my really kind, truthful, wanting to win student): ‘NO’

Me: ‘P, you don’t have grape?’

P: ‘No, mis Thomas, I really don’t.’

Me: ‘P, are you sure you don’t have a card that has the picture of a grape? ‘

P: ‘Definitely not Ms. Thomas.’

Me: ‘But I definitely saw you pick up a card that had the picture of a fruit on it. Do you want to maybe double check for me and see what that card is?’

P: ‘Oh! Sure Ms. Thomas’ (and he proceeds to shuffle through the cards).

P:' Oh! Ms. Thomas, I do have a card but it’s that of a banana.'

(Please remember ... we were are playing GO-Fish with sound blend cards)

Me: 'Uhh… Hmm…. What card?'

P: 'Banana Ms. Thomas, Banana'

Me: 'Ok, P but you do realize that the word “Banana “does not have a blend right. Remember “blends” which we are working on.'

P: 'I KNOW …. Ms. Thomas, you are not listening right.. I said “brnana” NOT “banana”… see…”brnana” has a /br/.'

REALLY ???????????

Hmmmm I wonder why ....

What causes grown, supposedly serious mature, adults to coo?

What makes them smile endlessly?

What makes then gurgle and blabber?

What makes normally” unwilling to move a bone in their body” grown ups jump up and down and do a jig?

What makes them make up silly rhymes?

What ends up being their main topic of discussion?

What succeeds in them dropping everything they do, to just stand still and stare?

What gives them the energy to act like clowns?

Why this of course .....

The look !!!

The smile !!!

The joy !!!

The love.....

PRICELESS !!!!!!!!!!!!

IF I WERE TO .....

IF I were to write a blog to the car/bus/truck/rickshaw / cycle drivers of India I would say…

· There is a reason for the white lines on the road. It is not a decoration.

· When the traffic light turns red it doesn’t mean you increase your speed and play chicken with the other drivers.

· Honking the horn endlessly when the traffic light is red will not magically turn it green!!

· There is a cool new invention situated just behind your steering wheel… it’s on the left.... It’s called an indicator... USE IT!

· To the best of my knowledge none of us were born with horns attached to our hands, so it should not be something you repeatedly beep/ hoot/blare when you are stuck in a traffic jam.

· When there is a traffic jam the chances are that the car in front of you cannot move. Beeping/ blaring/ hooting your horn will not give the car in front of you wings nor you the ability to clear the jam.

· It really is ok if someone overtakes you. It does not in any way make you less of a human being.

· When you are turning left, it does not help if you are in the extreme right lane and then cut across traffic with 2 seconds to spare.

· In case you didn’t know, there is another headlight setting in your car. BRIGHT is not the ONLY option.

· For those kind souls who show others they are approaching by flickering between normal and bright when they are less than 5 feet away.. and…. STOP... I beg of you!! My eyes will be forever grateful.

But since I live in a perfect place where none of the above happens, I won’t even have to publish the post …

LUCKY ME!

My Sister :)

From a young age, my sister was better at dealing with pain. I was the “wuss”. I remember that we would be promised ice cream before we were taken in for out shots. My sister would handle it like a pro and I guess the thought of having ice cream helped. For me, nothing they promised me was good enough for me to get shot. I would bolt from the room and would literally have my parents and docs chase me (or so I have been told!).

I even remember her rollerblading and skidding/ falling/ rolling down a tarred incline, and ripping a fair bit of her skin off in the process, only to get up back on those rollerblades the very next day. I on the other hand would probably have BURNT the rollerblades and claimed that WALKING is the cool thing to do.

While I was content spraining my back by slipping on steps, she has done it all from being chased my bee’s to being bitten by a dog and have an accident where a bus ran over her palm.

So when my sister told me that she wanted to go in for a natural birth, I was not surprised. I was extremely proud n chuffed that at least one of us has the strength.(Just so you know, when it’s my turn, it’s going to be “ALL THE PAIN MEDICATION MEDICALLY/ LEGALLY POSSIBLE PLEASE !!!!!”)

My sister was in labor for 15 hrs and they finally ended up doing a c-section. Tam-tam (my niece) was not ready to come out!

It was extremely difficult to be there and watch my little sister go through what she did. If it was difficult for me, I can’t even begin to imagine how it was for her. Now those who know me know that I am emotional. So for me to see her go through pain was not easy. I don’t think I have prayed so much as I did during those hours waiting for her in the room. I don’t think I have even cried that much is recent times as I did when I heard her cry. So I was actually relieved when they wheeled her into surgery.

While I was thrilled to see Tam-tam when they brought her out later, I think I began breathing normally and felt relieved only after I saw my sister. Believe it or not, the happiest moment for me on the 17th was when I went in to the recovery room and saw sister and she opened her eyes. I finally knew she was going to be ok. From then I knew that it would be alright!

At that point I couldn’t have been more proud of her or loved her more.

Isn't she lovely ....

Isn't she lovely

Isn't she wonderful

Isn't she precious

made from love

I can't believe what God has done

To us he's given his precious one

Isn't she lovely...

Made from love

Let me introduce ....

By the end of this week…. I would have met the person I fell in love with 9 months ago.

I have no idea what the person will look like… but I definitely have dreamt of it.

Since I definitely cannot jump up n down like this….

Let me describe the person to you.

The person will have:-

A “Love to be hugged and kissed” personality

A “Make your heart skip a beat while it does cartwheels” face

A pair of “Drown in me” eyes

A “Prefect little...Not too sharp... Not too blunt little” nose

“Yes! Aren’t they adorable” cheeks

“Soft n silky … will make anything look good” hair

“Adorn it with the best” ears

A “Make your heartache” cry

A “Make you do cartwheels” laugh

An “I got you wrapped around my finger” smile

An “Overflowing with God’s grace and love” heart

“I serve a wonderful God” knowledge

Doesn’t this person sound wonderful?

I definitely think this person is….

Homeward Bound

I am heading home….. in exactly 17 days I will be home. You have no idea how that makes me feel.

Here is the deal, I am tired…. really tired, in every possible way. So the thought of being home with my mom n dad thrills me to bits. I can’t wait.

I can’t wait to be in a house where if I take more than 10 steps I don’t find myself in the balcony.

I can’t wait to have coffee mate in my coffee.

I can’t wait to curl up in the living room reading the paper while watching TV.

And most importantly I can't wait to spend time with my parents.

Here is my normal routine when I am home. I wake up late, just in time to see my mom return from the gym (sigh!!). I then plonk myself in front of the TV with the morning’s paper while mom gets herself a bowl of cornflakes (nice) or oats (yuck!).

After breakfast and a shower either I am off roaming with her or sitting on the couch chatting to my Gran. Pa soon comes for lunch and that is soon followed by mom n dad fighting over dessert. The fight they maintain is legit.

Then its time of the snooze followed by evening coffee n soon enough the program that should be banned “idea star singer” airs. Every evening we bicker about watching it, but we end up watching coz well…according to my mother “Coz I said so!! “

And then… dinner time….

Yes I know, ..very boring .. yet…. There is comfort in this familiarity.

Right now nothing sounds more appealing than this.

In the nick of time ...

This last week has not been easy.

An accumulation of many many things and I really felt it would soon come crashing down and succeed in putting me back on square one. I am not joking when I said that I literally felt a stone in my heart. And it hurt! Praying about it eased the pain. For that moment. I even tried to figure out what I could do to make it better but, as always, I came up with nothing.

I soon fell in a pattern where all i asked for was the strength to get through each day. Today was no different. Today, I was listening to the online radio and this song by Josh Wilson began to play. It was aptly titled “Saviour Please” and below are the lyrics:

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me

I felt better. Maybe, I felt better because I heard this song just after I uttered a cry of desperation, just after i silently pleaded for some sign of hope. Maybe I felt better because I had unknowingly chosen to move forward. Maybe I felt better because I related to the words… I don’t know… but I felt better.

Has the problem been resolved? Far from it ….. But I have taken the first step .Just that knowledge gives me a perfect reason to smile.

And say “Thank you”