ME (1) – EXHAUSITON (0):

Ever since summer has visited Chennai, my so called busy life is tiring me out even more. Even though I spend all day in one or the other a/c classroom, by the end of it all I am tired. Yesterday I think I was sleep by 930... That’s how tired I am. Most of the time, along with physical exhaustion comes mental exhaustion. And that is something I always DREAD. Once the mental exhaustion sets in, it’s a never ending circle. It was a game and exhaustion ALWAYS won!! I know, I went through it last year. Everything makes a difference. Everything goes wrong and I seriously begin to wonder why.

This time however it’s a different tale.

Are things difficult? YES.

Are things going wrong? DEFINITELY.

Am I finding it difficult to cope? YES.

Are things working out the way my silly human SELF want it to (in short, will MY WILL be done)? NO

YET…. Despite this I am FINE.

I think the crucial moment in this so called saga I call is my life is when I realized that I got to stop relying on MY WILL and stop praying for it. There were (and still are) days I feel so broken and so lost and ready to give up and then I realize that these are the days I tried to do it all on my own. Pretty soon the realization that, it’s not MY WILL that should be of concern, but HIS, came into play. Let me just tell you all this. I was someone who had my life planned out when I was a teenager. So you can imagine the shock I was in for. It’s a great ask for a person like me to be told that this is something I don’t have control over. It’s a great ask to be told that “now is not the time “. It’s a great ask to be told to “wait”.

So now what?

I am listening as hard as I can. I am learning to let go and trust. I am praying for help in everything I do. I learning what faith is all about. I am learning to depend. I am learning to believe that things that are going difficult are soon going to get easy. Things that are going wrong, will soon find the right way and more importantly I will cope and be fine. I know, because it’s all part of HIS will.

I believe that there is a rhyme, reason and purpose for this part of my life. I can’t wait to find out what….. And that Ladies and Gentlemen is a whole different blog!!

:)

On a day really fine

Of 2009

"you're going to be an aunt big sis"

silently whispered

my lil sis

Sure I was prepared

By doing most things right

I stitched a few dresses

And made sure she ate right (I think)

Calmed my brother in laws’ nerves

And deftly avoided “mood “mines

All this happened

In 2009

The day of Sept 17^th,

Threw us for a loop

Nothing went along

As it should

Saw my sis wheeled through

The theater doors

Spent minutes in agony

But knowing there was more

Out came a trolley

And in it covered in blue

Lay the baby girl

Making her debut

Eyes tight shut

Fast fast asleep

Oblivious to the stir

Or drama surrounding her

With a head full of hair

And “ don’t disturb” me glares

Our hearts were won over

Without a moment to spare

Soon she grew

And we all could see

What an amazing person

She was going to be

With smiles reserved

Only for us

And noises that resembled

A small rhinoceros

With a love for ragi

That tastes really gross

She hates carrots

Really !!!!

Who hates those???

Her eyes light up when she sees me

While my heart skips a beat

She has special smiles for each of us

I personally think mines really neat!!

Seeing her makes my day

So precious I found her to be

Her spirit and joy I cannot explain

It fills my heart none the same

I thank God each day

For the gift of you

Samaya Durai

I really love you !!

Of all the places .....

Yesterday, I was at school and was walking towards the loo.

Suddenly I hear my name being called and I turn to find that one of my students is right behind me screaming “Hi! Ms. Thomasssss “. He turns and walks off into the boys’ loo (while waving to me all along ) and I walk into the teachers’ one.

To my luck, as I am leaving the loo, he comes out too.

Seeing me, he goes (quite loudly I might add) “WOW... Same time!!!! “